Friday, 22 September 2017

You gotta have faith...

In the words of Limp Bizkit - You Gotta Have Faith.  
(Or George Michael depending on your music tastes) 

I've been a little quiet the last few weeks. because J starting school didn't go quite to plan. 

I'm currently feeling like a rubbish mum and that I'm letting my son down and just want to talk to somebody who maybe understands.

My son is almost 5. He has suspected ADHD with some autistic traits. He started school on the 4th September. His first week was 8:55-11:45 and apart from struggling to follow instructions, running off, leaving the classroom etc it wasn't too bad. The second week on the Monday I dropped him off took him into the classroom and said hello to the teacher and TAs and he went off to play. I went to hang up his coat on his peg and I left for home. In the meantime he has decided he wants to go home and so whilst it was busy with so many people in the foyer and entrances has managed to slip out unseen and leave school grounds. Luckily I left when I did as I saw him and he has no road safety awareness at all. I managed to coax him towards me by saying I needed his help tying my lace and putting my umbrella up. (I am also disabled so running at him wouldn't have helped either of us) and I took him back into school. At which point I was crying and shaking. They got some staff to take him into class as he had to be peeled off me and they took me in the office to calm me down and talk and it was decided that as he gets spooked by the large groups his start time would be moved to 9:15 and he'd finish at 1 this week (should have been 1:15) and then the following week when he should be full time he would finish at 3. 

Every morning was a battle getting him in. He would drop to the floor and lash out so I would have to carry him and they'd have to peel him off me. They've started using a LEGO super hero sticker book to help get him in on a morning as he's a huge LEGO fan and I thought things were getting better.
Thursday I pick him up and they say can we have a meeting when you drop him off in the morning as he is struggling and we need to talk about what happens next. 

Friday morning I go into a meeting with the head, the teacher and the senco. They tell me the communication they received from nursery didn't prepare them for how J is and almost played down what he was like. They aren't used to someone quite so young and quite so adept at opening/unlocking/problem solving as J (the head reckons he's got a real future in engineering!) he doesn't join in with group activities, won't play with other children (although they are trying to work on this) keeps trying to run off/leave at lunch times he's struggling to sit in the canteen with everyone and wants to be off and about and is needing staff with him the whole time to ensure he is sat eating. There is other stuff they said but at the moment my heads like a tv with static sorry. So their suggestion is that for the next few weeks he won't be going full time he will be doing 9:15-11:45. They hope that getting everyone else settled in a routine may help him, and will also make it easier to focus on him. They are going to have the locks moved higher in the hope it stops him escaping (after drop off he can only get out of the building not out of the grounds as it's locked by a magnetic lock) and also get the complex needs team to come and assess him. They had lots of positives to say about him - he's very funny, bright, clever, brilliant at building and working things out etc.

I just feel a bit like I'm failing him and like I should be doing more to help him. It's hard seeing everyone else with their 'perfect children' who can read and write their name and are little angels and feel like J is going to be labelled as the naughty one and that it is in some way my parenting to blame.

So I guess in the mean time I just gotta have faith - in my boy, in the school and in myself. 

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